#Valentines

This may be the first time after such a long time. It’s just a day and I could undoubtly say that I do not dread it any more. No more “Singles Awareness Day”. No more wearing of all black on the day of red. I might just actually wear red tomorrow. It’s not because I am un-single this time around. I’m still single, still waiting and searching (I wonder though which one is more effective). But I guess I’m ready to just enjoy this “holiday” for all it is.

Going out tomorrow night with friends. Nothing fancy. No dates. We’ll have fun. I do not dread going out on Valentines day this time around.

I’m not waiting for flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures from anyone. That will not define my valentines, at least for this year.

I’ve finally lost my antagonism against valentines, and whether there is a reason behind it or not, I welcome it. But in a way it feels so strange and new, but it does feel good. Perhaps I’m just in love with life. Perhaps I am no longer hopeless. Something tells me I’m going to find something good, whether it’s the near or not-so-near future. So maybe, it’s a good time to start enjoying Valentines again this year.

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To my future husband (letter no. 3)

Hi, it’s valentines, and yes, I am thinking of you. I still have the same questions in my head, like, why are you not here yet? Where in the world are you, and how the hell will I find you? How will I know if I’ve already found you? Same questions for the longest time, still unanswered. But I do not grow worrisome about these, and I keep steadfast while I wait. I continue to wait for the right time, the right place, the right person, and the right reasons. Nothing else I can do now, right?

But guess what? I heard our song playing earlier, on my way home. “I just haven’t met you yet”, the one sung by Michael Buble, you know that, right? Maybe you were also listening to it to, somewhere out there in the vast world. Or maybe not. Just the same, I believe the song. And I believe that eventually I’ll find you. I know that each step I take is a step that will bring me a little bit closer to you. I know that you’re trying to find me too, so I hope you don’t get tired of looking for me. I am here. I exist.

Until then, I’ll just keep busy with the things I do, enjoy the things I have, and wishfully wait for you. And maybe write a few more letters to you while I wait.

Sending you my love across time and space.