List 33

I just had to do one for my annual birthday post, albeit belated.

33 things that have happened to me in the last 12 months (in no particular order)…

  1. Toured my grandmother around Sydney.
  2. Got an Apple Watch.
  3. Went back to visit the Philippines 3 times.
  4. Attended two weddings in two countries in the same weekend. In the same dress, shoes, and makeup.
  5. Had half of my thyroid removed.
  6. Discovered Tokyo.
  7. Watched Adele in concert.
  8. Watched Coldplay in concert.
  9. Watched Lea Salonga live at the Sydney Opera House.
  10. Started an online business.
  11. Traveled to a far-away place in Australia (Mount Gambier).
  12. Drove around Sydney (up to the western suburbs and hunter valley).
  13. Explored new places around NSW.
  14. Developed great friendships and found my social circle in Sydney.
  15. Realised that my good friends in other parts of the world are there for me anytime I need them.
  16. Met up with old friends visiting Sydney.
  17. Met up with friends and former colleagues while on vacation in the Philippines.
  18. Wine tasting, wine tasting, and more wine tasting…
  19. Learned the basics of contouring.
  20. Made pizza from scratch.
  21. Discovered new restaurants, cafes, and bars in Sydney.
  22. Went to dance classes.
  23. Gained weight.
  24. Lost weight.
  25. Bought a telescope.
  26. Donated blood.
  27. Got my work contract extended N-times.
  28. Dated more than ten guys (separately, of course).
  29. Dated guys of different nationalities (separately too).
  30. Dated someone for more than a month.
  31. Fell in love.
  32. Had my heart broken.
  33. Moved on.

Don’t Look Back

The things you’re¬†working on now are all looking into the bright future that is almost within your midst. Do not look back.

You hear a certain call from your past. You are reminded of your past, and it oozes the last remaining drops from that which filled you once. You are called to another chance to revisit it, it’s just a glance anyway. Don’t fall prey. Do not look back.

What is the point in spending time and effort to revisit the past? Just leave everything to memory. There is no need to catch up. There is no need to even ask how one is doing lately, or what had really happened before. There are good reasons why those things remain in the past, and there is no need to unearth these reasons. Leave them be, forget them. Do not look back.

There is no point to look back on something that has no future. Keep your eyes on the future, it’s about to unfold. And when you find it, everything else in the past will finally make sense.

Tsubibo

Ocean_City_Ferris_WheelIsang simpleng teleserye na araw-araw kong pinapanuod ang biglang humatak sakin pababa sa isang kumunoy ng ala-ala. Bakit kailangan siyang dalhin sa perya, isakay sa isang tsubibo, hangad lamang ang kaligayahan, ang pag-ibig nito? Hindi ba ganoon din ang ginawa niya dati? Pinaibig ka, dinala sa isang malayong lugar na masaya, isinakay sa isang malaking tsubibo at hinawakan ang iyong kamay? At kung tama ang aking pagka-alala, takot siya sa matataas na lugar, o sinabi lang ba niya ito para makahawak ng mas mahigpit sa iyong mga kamay?

Pagbaba ninyo nang gabi rin iyon, napuno ang kalangintan ng makukulay at maliwanag na paputok. Isa iyon sa pinaka-maligayang sandali ng buhay mo noon. Pakiramdam mo ikaw ay prinsesa, ngunit hindi, sabi niya, ikaw ang reyna at siya ang hari ng buhay mo. Hanggang pauwi ay halos hindi niya bitawan ang iyong kamay. Pinagmamasdan ka kahit dapat nasa daanan ang kaniyang mga mata habang nagmamaneho. Sa inyo lang umikot ang mundo noon. Wala nang iba. Halos maniwala ka na sa walang hanggan noon. Sino ba naman hindi maniniwala habang ikaw ay nasa mala-panaginip na mundo?

Pero sabi nga nila, walang forever. Pero nakakagulat din ang bilis ng mga pangyayari, gaano kabilis ang paglaho at pag-gunaw ng kung ano man ang namagitan sa inyo noon. Hindi mo na ninais na balikan pa ang sakit at kabiguan, tuluyan mo nang sinubukang kalimutan. Madaming taon na ang nakalipas. Halos hindi mo na nga maalala, maliban sa mga paminsan-minsang mga panahon tulad nito.

Napapaisip ka nga kung kilala ka ba ng nagsulat ng teleseryeng iyon. Sinasadiya ba ng mundo na ipa-alala sayo? O baka naman, masyado ka lang affected.

Sleeping Like Fish

Today I was able to try another means of transportation going to my office in Makati in the morning. Everything was well and good, except for the two persons who were both sleeping so awkwardly on my left and my right side. The one on my left side had her head back and her neck hyper-extended, and had her mouth wide open the entire trip. The one on my left had her head on an awkward tilt forward, occasionally “headbanging” or jerking between positions, all her hair falling in front of her and all over my right arm/shoulder.

Well, it really is a challenge sleeping in a vehicle full of people. But for some reason, I have learned how to sleep in public transportation with a little more class. I can even do it in MRT if I am lucky get a seat, or sometimes even standing up as long as I have a good handrail to hold on to. It’s somewhat a type of semi-sleep or half-sleep. I close my eyes, and just bow my head a little forward. Like a floating, sleeping fish.

Ever since I was a kid I have wondered how fish slept. How can they sleep while staying afloat? Or do they sleep at all? Science says that some fish sleep with half a brain still awake to keep them balanced or floating in water.

I have discovered too, that fish indeed sleep, when I find our koi fish in the pond sleeping at night. When I see our kois late at night, they’re all lined-up perpendicularly “parked” beside each other, and not swimming, just floating.

So, fish can sleep without a bed, just lined up and floating, with just a part of their brain still active to keep their position in check. I have learned to do something similar when sleeping in public transportation. Sleeping like fish. It’s so useful for catching some zzz’s during travel lull times.

What 2013?

If I were to summarize 2013 in one word, I would have to say… Blah.

Indeed, it was as if 2013 just passed by in a breeze, not leaving a mark, and probably not be remembered if ever I reach my old age. Most other years past were little treasures – the year I graduated, the ones I got to travel around, the ones that brought love (and heartaches), the one’s that marked my life with big “trophies”, successes that I worked hard for.

Unfortunately, 2013 was not a year like that. There were no grand events, no triumphs, no international travels, no dreams fulfilled, no falling in love. Nothing significantly bad happened that year, and at the same time nothing significantly good either. It was just blah, just so-so, just living through another 365 days. It wasn’t sad or depressing though, just a smooth cruise across life.

I do intend to make 2014 a different story. Perhaps around this time next year, I’ll have a more interesting review of this year.

Steer Direction

Hello 2014. We finally meet. And just like the past years of my life, there shall be no new year’s resolution this time. Perhaps that was the only new year’s resolution I have ever fulfilled so far is the one to not make any more new year’s resolutions. Also, I believe that one does not have to wait for new year to make a resolution to change for the better. Each month, each week, each, day, and even each hour is an opportunity to effect a change.

Nonetheless, perhaps the new year is a good time to effect a theme. And for 2014, my life’s theme is to “Steer Direction”. All decisions and actions shall be deliberate moves toward identified specific goals and targets in my life. It’s not just about achieving something. It’s about reaching that one or few things that I have decided are the most important at this point in my life. Maybe one will say that this is how we should manage our entire lives. But this year is the time this theme resounds so much louder – a certain level of maturity has been reached, as well as a certainty of one wants to do with one’s life.

365 Days to get going.

“Slumber” – Throwback Thursday Poetry

To slumber
To rest my body on feathery quilts
To cease my beating heart
To journey into the unknown, a dreamy beauty
To rest awhile from the maddening world
To realize insanity

To rest my heart from an emotional marathon
To cease awhile from loving in vain
To journey with him who loves me in dreams
To realize beauty
To dream reality
To be what I am, until tomorrow’s morning comes

To slumber
To love and love again
To dream dreams
To realize reality
To be restful
To be at peace

(12/4/05)

Daydream

This is the poem that is closest to my heart. I wrote this way back in high school. I entered it in a love poetry contest for a teen magazine then, and it actually won and got me a big bottle of signature perfume because of that. But beyond that, I really just love this poem. Perhaps the best I’ve ever written of all.

I wish that I could see your face
Could see your face before dusk falls
Before dusk falls, and all is black
When all is black, you light me up

You light me up in all your ways
In all your ways you help me see
You help me see what’s good and true
What’s good and true you give to me

You give to me all that is yours
All that is yours you share with me
You share with me all that I wish
All that I wish is see your face…

Why do we invest (emotionally)?

This is an exact repost from an old blog, originally posted in May 10, 2008. Today’s #ThrowbackThursday . Enjoy reading.


Invest (v)
– To spend or devote for future advantage or benefit
– To devote morally or psychologically, as to a purpose; commit
– To endow with authority or power.
– To endow with an enveloping or pervasive quality


As with financial investments, there is always a risk to spending or putting something of value into anything. We typically invest in something, decide to devote time and energy on something hoping that it would turn out good and productive in the end.

Why then do we choose to invest emotionally? Perhaps it’s like other types of investments. When we see the possibility of something good coming out of something, we choose to take the gamble and put a little of our self into it. We put a stake on something when we start to build an affinity to it.

Why do we invest in romantic relationships? We enter romantic relationships to find out the possibility of being together until the far future. You don’t go into it expecting it to fail or end, although we should admit that it is still always a possibility.

So, the investment is a little of ourselves, our emotions, and our commitment. The payback we are wishing for is a wonderful future. But let’s admit it, we don’t always get what we are wishing for. More than anything else, emotional investments are most uncertain.

The real question is, why do we even attempt to invest emotionally, even on things that has relatively no future? Why do we keep on loving people and hoping that these people who would perhaps not disappoint? Why do we give someone else that power over our happiness?

In the end, life turns out to be one big gamble, especially on the matter of love and romantic relationships. You will never have the chance to win unless you bet on something. Oftentimes you don’t win, cause it’s a million-to-one chance. But if you do win, it would really change your life. It’s just up to you, are you brave enough to bet with your heart?

Remembering the long lost poetry

Lately I have been rediscovering the inner poet that is in me. Was able to “naturally” write four decent (or perhaps good or great?) poems in the past few months, the first of which was written back in May while I was aboard a plane. It has been slowly coming back, maybe?

Then, there are the poems I wrote from long ago. I had setup a blog with some of my poetry so many years back, and I almost already forgot about it. I rediscovered it too, read through it, copied and archived everything. I deleted the blog from the virtual world in the meantime, while I’m trying to figure out what to do with those poems. They mostly dated from late 2005 to 2007, with two more posted in 2009 and 2010. Even before 2005, I remember having a lot of poems written in scratch papers and spring notebooks from way back in high school. Those are probably still hidden in my chest, just lying around somewhere there, gathering dust, being almost forgotten. I might post a few of the old poems when I feel like it, in the next few months.

I’ve noticed that my poems across time revolve around very similar topics – love, longing, or grief. Perhaps those are the most powerful emotions that I encounter that really squeeze the poetry out of me.

I wonder what good these poems will be, beyond their lonely existence on paper, in my files, or online. I wonder if anyone really appreciates them, or will ever remember them. I highly doubt that I will be remembered or recognized because of my poetry. I am also playing with the idea of finding a way to publish them, but I wonder who still buys poetry books aside from myself (and yes, I have a few books of poetry by some writers and some collections).

Nonetheless, I shall continue writing those rhymes and non-rhymes as long as the pen calls and the heart desires.