50 First Dates – 2017 Edition

Okay, maybe it wasn’t 50, more of something between 20 to 30… I’ve lost count.

It was a big leap for me when I decided to go out and date again in 2017. And when I decided, I really went all out. The dating scene here in Oz was completely new to me and I haven’t really actively put myself out there in the past years. There was so much for me to learn and discover.

I don’t include speed dates in the count. Five minute dates do not really count. Nor does chatting. I’m talking about the good old “lets meet up for coffee or dinner and get to know each other” dates.

Maybe you’re asking where I find all these guys? Online. But not Tinder though. I have two online dating accounts, and I’ve found them as a good way to start.

Like someone. Say hello. Do a little small talk. If they seem decent, agree to meet up for coffee or brunch or something. Some plans push through, but some don’t. Some first dates turn into second dates, or maybe more.

The first guy I met for the year turned out to be one of the biggest learning experience for me. He was an amazing man, and at the start he also seemed keen. I thought we were a good match. Apparently he didn’t think so. Eventually things had to end and left me reeling from the rejection. I felt horrible. I absolutely dreaded rejection. I mourned a little bit (or maybe a lot). Then moved on.

I think the moving on is the most important part. I value the realisation that rejections will not kill you. So, every time something does not work out, I just get back out there and meet new people again.

Five. That’s the count of who I spent a little bit more time on. And a few more that went past the first date. Sometimes I wonder why I wasted my time on some of them.

Three. I can confidently say that three of them really made a big difference in my life. I wouldn’t trade the experience with them for anything, even if each of them left a little bit (or a lot) of heartache in the end.

Many times I’ve told myself, “this will be the last one for the year”, but I always eat my words. I wanted to stop way back in August and take a break from dating for the rest of the year and just let my heart rest, but I always ended up meeting someone new.

I am so thankful to good friends who have put up with me through the countless calls and messages, especially during times I was nursing a broken heart. I absolutely owe you a lot for calming me down during my anxious calls and crying fits. The words of advice are very valuable too. I really hope you don’t get tired of me.

The year 2017 is over. It’s year 2018 now. I’m shifting priorities this year. I’m still leaving myself open to possibilities, to meeting new people with the hope that I’ll eventually find the one I’m looking for (and who is looking for me). Perhaps I just don’t want to give it as much effort as I did in 2017. I’ll just let things happen.

I still wish though that maybe I’ll meet someone in real life, someone who does not come from an online app. Maybe this year?

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Numbers Game

Finding love is sometimes a numbers game, especially if you’re still playing quite late in the game. When you’re younger, it’s still a game of chance, of luck. Sometimes you get lucky and find your one true love in high school or university and you eventually end up together and live happily ever after. However if you’ve lost your chance when you were still in school, dating and finding a good match when you’re already out in the real world is a tough one.

I’ve honestly been searching for love for more than a decade. My last boyfriend was almost 10 years ago, and I met him at work. We didn’t really last long. But honestly, I’ve met a lot of guys at work. I’ve also met a lot of guys outside of work. I’ve been set up on many blind dates, gone to a number of speed dates, and even back-dated (i.e. dated people from my past). It’s tiring. And I was still unlucky at finding someone. It’s always either the attraction is one-way (i.e. I like him, he doesn’t like me back, or he likes me and I don’t like him back), or the attraction is mutual, but there’s something completely and absolutely complicated about it (and oh, I don’t even want to talk about it).

When I moved to Oz, the search continued. Somehow it was both harder and easier for different reasons. It was more difficult because I had a limited existing social circle, I came unfamiliar with the dating rituals and culture, and it was challenging for me to spark physical attraction because I can’t effing compete with those sexy blonde girls (not sure if this is true, but this is how it feels). I found it a bit more easy for other reasons because of so many ways to meet more people, such as numerous social events, speed dating events, dating apps, and online dating websites.

But alas, the search continues.

I do think that somehow it’s a numbers game. The more people I meet, the better the chances that I’ll find someone. As they say, the more entries you send, the more chances of winning. Of course, I also take quality into consideration. Meet more quality guys. That’s the strategy.