A letter to my future husband (I haven’t found you yet…)

Dear future husband,

Maybe you’re wondering where in the world I am right now. Cos I am also thinking, where are you? I still don’t know where I will find you, or who you are from the billions of people in this world.

I’m in Sydney now, been here two years. And I’m still looking for you, hoping that maybe you are somewhere near or around. Maybe I’ve already passed you on the street or have been on the same train. Have I met you yet? Or will I be meeting you soon? I have no idea.

This year has been a challenging year so far, searching for you. I have mistakenly thought that the first guy I met this year was you. I was ready to give it my all, but alas it still was not you. I was sad and disappointed, and even a bit depressed when it did not work out. But I still kept on searching and kept on looking. I am still searching and looking. Rejection after rejection I soldier on. It’s absolutely tiring and somewhat heart-wrenching, cos I do give a little bit of myself everytime I try. I am almost ready to give up, but then I remember you. Against all odds, I have to find you.

Know that every time I meet someone new, every time I get to know someone, I can only hope that inch by inch it would bring me closer to you.

Looking forward to a beautiful life with you in the future.

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Friday Madness – A letter to my future husband part-2

Perhaps it’s a good time to post part-2 of my “letter to my future husband” series. This was written way back in December 3, 2011, almost 2 years ago. And Christmas will be coming soon too. Still, I don’t know where he is yet, or where to find him. And yet, I just stay steadfast in hoping that he’s just out there somewhere. I’ll meet him someday soon.


To my future husband,

I’m taking a bus ride home. Yes, I’ve been riding the public transport lately because my car have yet to be fixed, but don’t worry about me, I’m ok taking the bus alone, as long as I take it at a good time.

December has just started. Each day brings us nearer that longed-after day of the year. And yes, save for one Christmas four years ago, all Christmases in my history were happy days. And I can’t help imagine how wonderful to get to that Christmas that will finally bring you to me.

It would be such a wonderful day, that first Christmas that I would be spending with you. I replay it again and again in my head, that Christmas waltz being sung by She and Him. I dance across that small living room with you, my love. Just dancing cheek to cheek with you, my right hand in your warm left hand, and your right hand firm at the base of my spine. You ask me to forgive you for not being a great dancer, and I answer that you’re doing just fine. A smile. A mild laugh. A giggle. I love simple moments like these.

But you won’t be around this Christmas. I do not know who you are yet. You haven’t found me yet. Or have you found me already but not realize it? I would never know. But don’t worry about me, it will still be a happy, merry Christmas. The entire family will be here, and good friends are near. I’ll be able to prepare my favorite Christmas goodies, decorate the house, and wrap the Christmas presents. We’re finishing our museum this December too. So many blessings.

Each Christmas brings both joy and longing as I wait for that someday I’ll be spending Christmas with you. God’s gift, I hope to see you soonest, ok?

To my future husband (letter no. 3)

Hi, it’s valentines, and yes, I am thinking of you. I still have the same questions in my head, like, why are you not here yet? Where in the world are you, and how the hell will I find you? How will I know if I’ve already found you? Same questions for the longest time, still unanswered. But I do not grow worrisome about these, and I keep steadfast while I wait. I continue to wait for the right time, the right place, the right person, and the right reasons. Nothing else I can do now, right?

But guess what? I heard our song playing earlier, on my way home. “I just haven’t met you yet”, the one sung by Michael Buble, you know that, right? Maybe you were also listening to it to, somewhere out there in the vast world. Or maybe not. Just the same, I believe the song. And I believe that eventually I’ll find you. I know that each step I take is a step that will bring me a little bit closer to you. I know that you’re trying to find me too, so I hope you don’t get tired of looking for me. I am here. I exist.

Until then, I’ll just keep busy with the things I do, enjoy the things I have, and wishfully wait for you. And maybe write a few more letters to you while I wait.

Sending you my love across time and space.

I am not quite there yet

Every time I go on Facebook, I find around 50% of my friends’ posts are about their babies/kids and/or husbands/wives, and a lot of these coming from my own generation. I can barely relate to most of this now. I’m not quite there yet. There is no boyfriend or husband-to-be, and no babies-in-the-making for the next few. I am honestly enjoying my awesome single life, and a family life is very far from my mind right now.

Am I out of place? I do hope not. I know of a lot of other friends still in the same stage as I, but possibly we’re just being out-posted by those with lovely babies and hubbies/wives. What interesting things can single, child-less people like me contribute to the social media circle? Perhaps a narrative of travels and adventures, but I don’t think its manageable to do that every day. Maybe I can post about food, movies, books, yoga, an what-nots. But for some reason, I know it will all be trumped by the cuteness of all those babies and sweetness of all those lovely partners.

It’s all good. It’s lovely to see all those, and I’m not complaining. I don’t feel envy, I just feel different. I’m still far from being in a similar situation, and I really don’t know how it feels to be starting one’s own family. I still feel so normal and comfortable with who I am and what I have right now, and yet I seem to be approaching and going after very different things compared to most people from my own generation. I hope I don’t seem weird or immature. But this is my reality, and my reality is different. I’ll live with what I have.