Between home and home

A very strange feeling this is. I’ve been away from home for more than three weeks, and I mean from my current residence in Sydney. I’m coming home soon, but I’m also leaving home in the process, and I mean our family home in Manila where I grew up in and lived until less than two years ago. I am excited to get back to my place and start the rest of the year, but at the same time feel that little bit of sadness as I again leave my original home and not know when I’m coming back next.

This trip has been a great opportunity to reconnect with people who have played significant roles in my life, both in the past and at present. I also rekindled my entrepreneurial passion and will be revealing my new business venture soon. I truly savored being able to celebrate Christmas and New Year back home like years past. Met up with my truest friends (who were in town) over coffee, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, or anything in between and shared so many stories that we have missed from each other. Spent time bonding with my sister and my cousins.

I somehow feel part of this world once again. But in reality, I am not. My current life now revolves in Sydney, and this is really just a break, a holiday from it all. Back to real life for me soonest. I’m not complaining though, cos my real life is also amazing. It’s just hard to reconcile that one cannot live two different realities at the same time.

See you next time Manila. ♥

Hey Senti

There’s the senti version of myself that I have been trying to avoid throughout this process of tying loose ends, packing up, and getting ready to go. I am really not good at goodbyes whether its with people, places, or special little somethings.

I can still even remember my 10 year old self saying goodbye to the house (apartment) that I have lived in my entire life (at 10). It was one big cry-fest saying goodbye to my best friends, and even to the littlest nooks and crannies of that humble apartment. I’ve been living for the last 20 years of my life in the “new” house, a bigger and better one in a better neighborhood… But my mind will always remember how each furniture lined up around the rooms of my childhood home.

I also am so sentimental about my grandmother’s house in the province, the one I went to almost every summer vacation until my mid-teens. I remember its smell, and the details that almost never changed for the longest time. The house has already been sold a number of years ago, and it’s somehow better that we now have our grandmother much closer to watch over. But her house will forever be etched in my mind the way it was.

Shit. It’s not easy not to cry now. Imagine how many years ago those memories were? They seem like they were just yesterday.

In a few days more, I’ll be leaving the condo I stayed in for the last year. Then I’ll be leaving home and bound for a country I’ll be calling home for the next years. Of course, my parents house will still be there, still the same – but I will no longer be there, and I will forever be changed.

I should be looking forward, being oh so excited about what the future holds. I am, but I can’t deny that there is an extremely senti part of me that can appear out of nowhere at any point. I need to keep myself busy, to keep looking forward. I don’t want to be hindered by my sentimental self from being all-in on this grandest transition of my life.

‘Tis the season (to be jolly)

This past weekend officially marks the start of the Christmas season of 2012 for me. For some, Christmas season starts as early as the -ber months come in (yes, as early as Christmas in September). In the Catholic church, preparation for Christmas starts with Advent, the four Sundays before Christmas days, and that comes next weekend. For our family, it usually starts when December comes in, but this time around it’s just a week earlier. There’s some gathering tonight, I guess, and the house had to be ready with its Christmas vibe.

Ergo, we decorated the house the past two days. Dad bought some nice parols (fancy local Christmas lanterns) from Pampanga and hung them outside the house. The belen (miniature nativity scene) is already set on top of the piano in the living room. Two Christmas trees are now up and fully decorated inside the house, one of them I decorated myself. And, in keeping up with my personal “tradition”, I set the Christmas music up loud while I was working on the Christmas tree, to properly set the mood.

Christmas season also brings with it some of my favorite things, including the super-special family secret recipe fruit salad, which we traditionally only prepare and eat during this season. I finally had the reason to prepare a batch of it again. The first batch of fruit salad for this year’s Christmas season! Yum. The guests will have the pleasure of eating it later. I’ll have the license to make a few more batches of it from now until New Year.

And, the chilly evening and early morning breeze is back. Sets the mood pretty well for the season.

Come to think of it, there’s just 30 days before Christmas Day. This year is perhaps my poorest Christmas in terms of actual personal finances (I’m already financially challenged even before the season started). After years, I still have no love-life this Christmas. But no matter what, I know that Christmases would always be beautiful, and I am always blessed to have loving family and friends.

Sigh

I may need to breathe out everything right now. I’m sad. I buried my two pet rabbits just about an hour ago. They died while I was out, about late-afternoon today. I don’t know exactly what happened, and there’s nothing I can do anymore.

I will definitely miss my cuddly bunnies.

In memory of Rafa and Zelda.


Why oh why am I so unlucky with my pets? The only one that lived long was Lancelot, my guinea pig. Of course, that does not count the family dogs, because they’re not exactly my pets.