A letter to my future husband (I haven’t found you yet…)

Dear future husband,

Maybe you’re wondering where in the world I am right now. Cos I am also thinking, where are you? I still don’t know where I will find you, or who you are from the billions of people in this world.

I’m in Sydney now, been here two years. And I’m still looking for you, hoping that maybe you are somewhere near or around. Maybe I’ve already passed you on the street or have been on the same train. Have I met you yet? Or will I be meeting you soon? I have no idea.

This year has been a challenging year so far, searching for you. I have mistakenly thought that the first guy I met this year was you. I was ready to give it my all, but alas it still was not you. I was sad and disappointed, and even a bit depressed when it did not work out. But I still kept on searching and kept on looking. I am still searching and looking. Rejection after rejection I soldier on. It’s absolutely tiring and somewhat heart-wrenching, cos I do give a little bit of myself everytime I try. I am almost ready to give up, but then I remember you. Against all odds, I have to find you.

Know that every time I meet someone new, every time I get to know someone, I can only hope that inch by inch it would bring me closer to you.

Looking forward to a beautiful life with you in the future.

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A letter to my future husband (letter no. 4)

Dear future love,

I made yummy crêpe for breakfast this morning, and how I wish you were here to taste them. I do not want to brag, but they were great. I’m hoping you’ll be able to try them out next time. Would be sweet if I could share this Saturday morning brekkie by the balcony with you. Maybe sometime soon. 

Somehow I feel that I am not too far away from you now. I’ve traveled thousands of kilometers to get here, and know that each and every step I take I am hoping to take me closer and closer to you. I’ve come a long way to find you. I have waited for a long time. I’m here now. I exist. Come get me.

Sometimes I can’t help but think back to all the shit I had to go through in the past. It’s been a crazy journey, and I’ve risked my heart so many times. I do hope you don’t mind receiving my heart a little bit scarred and bruised. But once you find it, it’s all yours. Then, maybe all the shit in the past will make sense, or maybe they wouldn’t even matter anymore. 

I pray for you each and every day, that God keep you safe and happy and give you the things you hope for. I pray that you’ll eventually realise once you’ve found me, all in God’s perfect time. I pray for patience as I continue to wait, to search, to hope. And I pray that He mold me into the person that you’ve always prayed for. 

I love you yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I’ll see you soon. 

Don’t Look Back

The things you’re working on now are all looking into the bright future that is almost within your midst. Do not look back.

You hear a certain call from your past. You are reminded of your past, and it oozes the last remaining drops from that which filled you once. You are called to another chance to revisit it, it’s just a glance anyway. Don’t fall prey. Do not look back.

What is the point in spending time and effort to revisit the past? Just leave everything to memory. There is no need to catch up. There is no need to even ask how one is doing lately, or what had really happened before. There are good reasons why those things remain in the past, and there is no need to unearth these reasons. Leave them be, forget them. Do not look back.

There is no point to look back on something that has no future. Keep your eyes on the future, it’s about to unfold. And when you find it, everything else in the past will finally make sense.

Friday Madness – A letter to my future husband part-2

Perhaps it’s a good time to post part-2 of my “letter to my future husband” series. This was written way back in December 3, 2011, almost 2 years ago. And Christmas will be coming soon too. Still, I don’t know where he is yet, or where to find him. And yet, I just stay steadfast in hoping that he’s just out there somewhere. I’ll meet him someday soon.


To my future husband,

I’m taking a bus ride home. Yes, I’ve been riding the public transport lately because my car have yet to be fixed, but don’t worry about me, I’m ok taking the bus alone, as long as I take it at a good time.

December has just started. Each day brings us nearer that longed-after day of the year. And yes, save for one Christmas four years ago, all Christmases in my history were happy days. And I can’t help imagine how wonderful to get to that Christmas that will finally bring you to me.

It would be such a wonderful day, that first Christmas that I would be spending with you. I replay it again and again in my head, that Christmas waltz being sung by She and Him. I dance across that small living room with you, my love. Just dancing cheek to cheek with you, my right hand in your warm left hand, and your right hand firm at the base of my spine. You ask me to forgive you for not being a great dancer, and I answer that you’re doing just fine. A smile. A mild laugh. A giggle. I love simple moments like these.

But you won’t be around this Christmas. I do not know who you are yet. You haven’t found me yet. Or have you found me already but not realize it? I would never know. But don’t worry about me, it will still be a happy, merry Christmas. The entire family will be here, and good friends are near. I’ll be able to prepare my favorite Christmas goodies, decorate the house, and wrap the Christmas presents. We’re finishing our museum this December too. So many blessings.

Each Christmas brings both joy and longing as I wait for that someday I’ll be spending Christmas with you. God’s gift, I hope to see you soonest, ok?

A different kind of throwback thursday – A letter to my future husband

Because the past may be about the future that isn’t in the present yet…


September 7, 2011

Dear love of my life,

I am having breakfast and coffee by my own right now, and I just thought of writing you a letter. How very much I wish you were here with me because I know any morning started with you will just be a wonderful day no matter what. I know you can’t be here now. Not yet.

It would’ve been nice to tell you that I had a nice drive to work today, or maybe even how wonderful the ride was with you driving. I would’ve wanted to tell you about my plans for the day. Imagine all the funny, absurd, geeky, serious, and all other things we could talk about. Imagine how we couldn’t run out of things to talk about. I sweep off all the strawberry syrup and whipped cream I could with my waffle slices, and you don’t mind. We finish our waffles and coffee, and you tell me I could beat Starbucks belgian waffles and coffee anytime. I promise you I’ll cook for you tomorrow, and any other day you would crave for them. We know it’s time to part for the meantime, you walk me to my office and kiss me goodbye. I tell you how much I look forward to see you at the end of the day.

It would’ve been wonderful to spend the morning with you, but I understand why you can’t be here now. You probably are somewhere driving to work alone and just having brewed coffee from the office pantry. You don’t know me yet. You still haven’t found me. I don’t know who you are yet. You could be anywhere.

But don’t mind me yet. I am happily having breakfast by my own at a corner starbucks near the office. Happy, because I know how blessed I already am, even on my own. Happy thinking of a wonderful morning in the future spent with you.

I’m done with my waffles already, but will probably walk back to the office with a half-full cup of latte. I look forward to seeing you when the time comes. 🙂

A new generation

There is already a new generation that is starting to take its place, and will be taking over our future pretty soon. About 25% to 30% of all posts I see on my Facebook newsfeed are of my friends and colleagues babies and children. I am starting the last year of my 20s, and my friends are about the same age as I, give or take about 5 years older or younger. Considering that most of us are in our late 20s, my friends and classmates have just started getting married the past 2 to 3 years, and most of them are starting to have their babies this past year.

My childhood best friend gave birth to her beautiful baby girl seven months ago. The wife of a close guy friend just gave birth to a baby girl yesterday. A number of friends and batchmates have kids from about 0 to 4 years old. There are three babies born within a six month period to three of my second cousins based in Sydney, Australia, and another baby born two years ahead of them, and it’s so cute to find my cousins pictures with these babies altogether. So much bundles of cuteness around.

Oh well, here comes the new generation, the new batch who will be making their way into the world. These are the individuals who will be exposed to the current and future technologies, and given the vast opportunities of the future. What will the world be in 2080s to 2100s? We probably won’t be able to reach that point, but our children, the next generation, will be able to forge and experience this future world.

I won’t be reproducing anytime soon, though, not until I find me a good husband to be my partner. But I now see the shift in responsibilities and priorities of my generation. It’s time to be responsible for another individual’s life as we now start to be blessed by children. We’re starting to be less-selfish and childish, and more thoughtful of other people, more responsible, and more aware of the need to contribute to a better society and a better future.


P.S. I’m still trying to get used to my title as “Tita” (Aunt) Abii , after being just an “Ate” (Big Sister) Abii to a number of my younger friends in college, and to all of my cousins. My colleagues kids have already started calling me Tita Abii in the past few years, but only now is it really sinking in, perhaps especially when my friends’ kids start talking.

To my future husband (letter no. 3)

Hi, it’s valentines, and yes, I am thinking of you. I still have the same questions in my head, like, why are you not here yet? Where in the world are you, and how the hell will I find you? How will I know if I’ve already found you? Same questions for the longest time, still unanswered. But I do not grow worrisome about these, and I keep steadfast while I wait. I continue to wait for the right time, the right place, the right person, and the right reasons. Nothing else I can do now, right?

But guess what? I heard our song playing earlier, on my way home. “I just haven’t met you yet”, the one sung by Michael Buble, you know that, right? Maybe you were also listening to it to, somewhere out there in the vast world. Or maybe not. Just the same, I believe the song. And I believe that eventually I’ll find you. I know that each step I take is a step that will bring me a little bit closer to you. I know that you’re trying to find me too, so I hope you don’t get tired of looking for me. I am here. I exist.

Until then, I’ll just keep busy with the things I do, enjoy the things I have, and wishfully wait for you. And maybe write a few more letters to you while I wait.

Sending you my love across time and space.