Moving On

Nag move-on na ko. Seryoso. Approximately 5.33 km. In my two-inch heeled boots. In one hour and fifteen minutes. Di ko man napansin na tumakbo ang oras.

Seryoso, nilakad ko. Mahigit limang kilometro, mula opisina hanggang bahay. Bakit nga ba? Di ko rin talaga maipaliwanag. May tren naman, wala pang labin-limang minuto kung sasakay ako. Pero gusto kong maglakad. Ng malayo. Ng mag-isa.

Hindi naman masyadong malayo. Di naman ako napagod. Di rin ako pinawisan. Para lang naman mahigit dalawang ikot sa Acad Oval ng UP Diliman. Pero ansarap ng pakiramdam, yung alam mo na malaya kang gumalaw mag-isa, pumunta kung saan mo gustong pumunta.

Nung nagsimula akong maglakad, siya pa ang iniisip ko. Alam kong malapit sa kanila yung dadaanan ko. Alam ko din naman na hindi ko siya makikita. Ayoko siyang makita. Ayoko na siyang makita kahit kailan.

May iba din akong gustong daanan. Isang lugar na nagpapaalala sa akin ng masaya at simpleng buhay noong nasa kolehiyo pa. Tinawag ko na ngang “mini sunken garden”. Sarap sana tumigil at tumambay dito, kaso gusto ko na rin makauwi.

Habang naglalakad ako, may iba pa akong nakita. Basura lang sa sahig, pero parang may importanteng gustong sabihin sa akin…

Pagkatapos ng mahigit isang oras na paglalakad, nagutom na rin ako. Naisip ko rin kung anong gusto kong kainin kaya bumili ako bago umabot sa bahay.

Nag move-on na ko. Hindi man kapani-paniwala, pakiramdam ko malayo din ang na move-on ng puso ko pagkatapos kong maglakad ng mahigit limang kilometro. Pagdating ko sa bahay, may iba na akong iniisip. 🙂

 


Nakikinig nga pala ako sa Spotify habang naglalakad. Ansaya pakinggan ng playlist na ito, lalo na kung gusto mo lang mag-emote. :p

Old Shorts – “Too Late” (A Short Story)

It was raining quite heavily. A grey Civic drove slowly into the parking area of the airport. A young man came out. He had strong features, fair skin, and round eyes. He ran under his blue jacket through the pouring rain, towards the arrival area. At once he caught glimpse of his friend, sitting next to a pile of baggage.

“Hoy Antonio! It’s time you got here. I’ve been waiting for you for hours!” his friend jerked. His features, weaker than his friend’s, glimmered in the pale lights. He had tan skin, chinky eyes, and pale lips. “Is that the way you are going to greet me after five years we haven’t seen each other? I think the last time I saw you was at my wedding, wasn’t it?” Antonio replied, jokingly.

Yes it was, the other man thought. He remembered it bitterly, but tried not to show it. He tried to remember Andrea’s face. She seemed so happy. Very happy. And he’s giving her away to his very best friend Antonio. He tried to ask her to come back to him, but she refused.

“I’m really sorry I’m late. I got stuck in heavy traffic. So, how was your trip?” Antonio asked.

“It’s okay, but I’m really so tired. I think I’m going to be sick.” he answered.

“Maybe it’s just the weather.” Antonio said.

The rain calmed. They walked towards the car and shoved two big traveling bags and a medium sized box. They both hopped into the car, and started a long drive home. When the car got out of the airport, it began to rain heavily again. The traffic was jammed and the road was flowing with water. It will take some time for them to get home. “Are you alright, Jonathan?” Antonio asked.

“Yep, just resting.” he answered.

Antonio popped a tape into the car stereo, and the air was filled with song.

my lullaby
hung out to dry
what’s up with that
it’s over

Jonathan closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He remembered the song. It was one of the songs Andrea used to sing. He remembered Andrea. He met her back in high school. They were sophomores then. A friend introduced him to her. She was not that attractive. She’s the type that you’ll only appreciate if you look at her more closely. It also goes for her character. You’ll never appreciate her unless you know her really well. As for him, he knew her very well. He became a friend to her. He also appreciated her beauty.

The road became less congested, but the rain continued pouring. Antonio drove his car into a gasoline station, and got fueled up. Jonathan went down to find something to eat at the snack station. After fueling, Antonio parked the car in front of the snack station and got out.

Jonathan got out with a sandwich in both hands. After getting into the car, he handed Antonio the one on his left. Antonio began eating it clumsily, spilling some filling every now and then.

This is my best friend, Jonathan thought, biting into his own sandwich. They have been best friends since their first year in high school. They’re already twenty-seven, but almost nothing has changed. He could not imagine how different they were, yet how they agreed and got along with each other. He also could not imagine how Andrea got to like him. Perhaps everything Andrea couldn’t find in him, she found in his best friend. The way Antonio was so carefree about everything, while he always worried about how things will work out.

my mouth is dry
forgot how to cry
what’s up with that
you’re hurting me

The song continued playing. It lurked into Jonathan’s ears once again. He remembered the day they parted. They didn’t break up because of a terrible fight. They broke up because they realized they wouldn’t work anymore. It was before graduation. Andrea cried, but he didn’t. He was still so in love with her, and was so numb at that time to feel the pain. They broke up as friends. This was the last song that she sang to him.

An hour or so passed, without a word between the two friends. They finally got to Antonio’s house. Nobody was there. The house was so hollow, and their footsteps echoed on the walls of the spacious living room.

Antonio unloaded Jonathan’s bags into the guest room, beside the wide staircase.

“Andy! Andy! Where are you?” Jonathan searched, climbing a few steps of the stairs. Antonio glanced at Jonathan with an uncertain look.

“I really don’t know how to tell you this but,” he stuttered.

“What? Don’t tell me she’s out of town. Didn’t she even wait for me?” Jonathan asked. Long silence.

“No, Jon. She didn’t wait for you… She’s dead.” Antonio sobbed.

“Tony, you’re joking! Andrea can’t be dead! She can’t be!” Jonathan screamed. He pushed Antonio unto a wall. “You never loved her! You stole her from me! Show her to me! Where is she? Stop hiding her!” Jonathan shrieked.

“She’s dead Jonathan, and I can do no more. I loved her, if that’s what you want to know. I loved her. She’s no more now. Not yours. Not mine. Go get dressed and we’ll go to her wake together.” Antonio said.

Jonathan released his hold of his friend, and scampered to his room. Both of them dressed up and got back into the car.

why, bleeding is breathing
you’re hiding underneath the smoke in the room
try, bleeding is believing
I used to

The stereo snickered. Now he understood.

They arrived at the wake. There were many people there, with some familiar faces. Jonathan went directly to the casket. He looked into her face. She still is beautiful, even though her face was now pale and lifeless. He missed her so much. He broke down and cried. It was the first time ever he cried because of her, after the time they broke up. It has been a long time. Now it’s too late.

Antonio patted Jonathan’s back.

The Breakup Playlist – a movie review

The-Breakup-Playlist-Love-and-music-is-in-the-airOut of my innocent boredom, I decided to watch “The Breakup Playlist” at the cinema today. Okay I’ll be honest instead. I really wanted to watch “The Breakup Playlist” so I watched it at the cinema today. So how did I find it?

First of all, I left the cinema with a looping last song syndrome (LSS) in my head until now — “Paano ba ang magmahal?”. Also, I really had an urge to write about it. If anything, I guess that makes the movie effective — there is recall and retention.

Ok, brutal honesty now. The good and the bad:

  •  A number of the product placements are a little bit annoying. They opened story points and introduced characters that were largely unnecessary. What was that big bank transfer to Gino for? What is the relevance of those kids in Trixie’s new house to the story, and how were they related to her? The only product placement I liked, if ever it was really a placement, was that of San Miguel Beer… it belonged appropriately to the scenes that it was included in.
  • I liked the way they structured the movie, where the flow is not chronological. It’s reminiscent of how “100 Days of Summer” was structured, jumping between different points of the story. Was it effective for this particular movie? In a way, yes. They started the whole movie with the most critical part of the characters’ love story. For the rest of the movie, the viewer is left waiting for the reasons how and why they reached that critical part.
  • The actors played the characters well. I believe Sarah Geronimo has greatly improved in her acting, and Piolo Pascual has greatly improved in his singing. Haha. You know what I mean. But my favorite of all is Jett Pangan. I don’t know, I just liked him there.
  • The basis of the story they used for the movie is good and something a lot can very much relate to. However, I think it was a little bit half-baked. The character development and key transitions could have been better. Why did Trixie go back to him in the end just like nothing happened? What was Trixie doing at present time? Why did it take three years for them to have another chance at a reconciliation? What happened to Trixie’s dad and how did it affect her? So many other questions opened by the movie that were never answered.
  • What happened in the three years that they were apart? That was a big black hole for me. I think the movie “One More Chance” did a better job at showing what happened during the gap.
  • Perhaps the “theme” of the movie was very obvious from start to end… it was music, and it was the song “Paano ba ang magmahal?” How many times was that song sung in the movie? I’m not complaining though, it’s a good key element, and it gave me an LSS that will probably last for at least a week. I also like their selection of songs, and their arrangement and performances. TBH, I’m listening to their playlist on Spotify now, and now on the third loop, I think (helps with the writing of this article actually).

Okay, the bloody part done. Here are the key scenes I’ll remember from the movie:

  • “With a smile” song (originally by Eraserheads). This will always be a memorable personal song, and I love how the song fit in to the right parts and corners of the movie. I’m brought back to those sad (or even depressing) moment of my life when a friend comes around with a guitar to sing that to me.
  • Those memorable lines that started with “can you just do me a favor and [get out of my life]?” It has just enough drama. I can pretty much imagine the line being used in real life (fortunately it has never been used by either side in my past relationships). I did envy that confrontation though. It was much better than having someone just disappear without saying anything aside from a text message… (place #hugot here)
  • Three years is actually short if you talk about love and breakups. Sometimes the moving on and the forgetting takes more time than the actual relationship.
  • Falling in love because of music? Agree, it happens.

One thing that the movie made me feel is it made me miss my music. Yes, I was (or am?) a musician. Back in high school I used to jam with some friends. I played the guitar. I also know how to play the piano and have started learning how to play the violin at one point. I love singing (although I can’t really judge if I am any good at it). Playing in a band was a high school dream. Some high school friends did pursue that road. However, it was the university degree and the professional life that I went for. No regrets though. But it would be nice to find a chance to jam again in the future, I hope I still have the music.

The verdict for the movie? It’s worth watching, but not a “must watch”. It’s entertaining, a little bit heart wrenching, a little bit sappy at times, and of course it stars Piolo Pascual. Worth the trip to the cinema if traffic and flooding are not a problem.