Numbers Game

Finding love is sometimes a numbers game, especially if you’re still playing quite late in the game. When you’re younger, it’s still a game of chance, of luck. Sometimes you get lucky and find your one true love in high school or university and you eventually end up together and live happily ever after. However if you’ve lost your chance when you were still in school, dating and finding a good match when you’re already out in the real world is a tough one.

I’ve honestly been searching for love for more than a decade. My last boyfriend was almost 10 years ago, and I met him at work. We didn’t really last long. But honestly, I’ve met a lot of guys at work. I’ve also met a lot of guys outside of work. I’ve been set up on many blind dates, gone to a number of speed dates, and even back-dated (i.e. dated people from my past). It’s tiring. And I was still unlucky at finding someone. It’s always either the attraction is one-way (i.e. I like him, he doesn’t like me back, or he likes me and I don’t like him back), or the attraction is mutual, but there’s something completely and absolutely complicated about it (and oh, I don’t even want to talk about it).

When I moved to Oz, the search continued. Somehow it was both harder and easier for different reasons. It was more difficult because I had a limited existing social circle, I came unfamiliar with the dating rituals and culture, and it was challenging for me to spark physical attraction because I can’t effing compete with those sexy blonde girls (not sure if this is true, but this is how it feels). I found it a bit more easy for other reasons because of so many ways to meet more people, such as numerous social events, speed dating events, dating apps, and online dating websites.

But alas, the search continues.

I do think that somehow it’s a numbers game. The more people I meet, the better the chances that I’ll find someone. As they say, the more entries you send, the more chances of winning. Of course, I also take quality into consideration. Meet more quality guys. That’s the strategy.

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The end to an illusion

It started fifteen years ago. Yes, it’s been going on for more than half of my quarter life. I’ve been living half of my life believing in an illusion.

The story is about a boy. My first love, to be exact. No, he wasn’t my first boyfriend. In fact, he was never my boyfriend. He had always been an almost, but never ever the real thing.

For one and a half decade, I’ve always regarded him with a certain fondness. A simple call or message from him makes my heart skip. His smile melts me. Perhaps I’m not alone, I’m only one of the countless girls enamored by his charms. He can easily woo any girl he desires. It is indeed flattering to be one of his favorites, the one he seems to come back to every now and then for the past 15 years. But somehow, nothing real ever transpired.

It’s always been a wonder to me why we could never be. It is easier to move on from something that happened and ended, than from something that never really happened. Maybe we keep coming back to try to figure out things and try to find answers.

I think I have finally found the answer. It took one last meetup with him to discover the truth that has been evading me for the longest time. It’s clear to me now that he and I will never ever be able to work it out, for reasons I choose not to disclose.

I’ve been living in an illusion for the last 15 years, but at least the illusion is a warm and happy one. I will still want to retain even just the memory of whatever was between him and me. But now I’ve reached a maturity that has already taught me that there is no point in waiting for “us” to happen. It’s a desperate and impossible case.

I’m moving forward with one less gigantic baggage off me. I’ve finally found closure.

Sometimes you fall in love

Sometimes you fall in love. Sometimes you almost fall in love. You find yourself overwhelmed by that certain emotion that you thought you knew about, but indeed it’s something that you will never ever understand.

Sometimes you fall in love, and he falls in love with you. It’s an amazing feeling after all those unrequited love you’ve felt, and after all those who have loved you but you have no love for.

Sometimes you fall in love and wish you could scream to the world that you are, but you can’t. You’re not supposed to have that love. You’re not supposed to want that love. You know it’s not what you asked for, not what you need. You have to walk away from it sooner or later, but at that very moment you could only wish that it was yours. The feelings are real. You almost fall in love, but you hold back and keep your heart hidden.

It’s hard to say no, to walk away, but you know you have to. If you don’t, you will never find what you are really looking for. Sometime in the future you will fall in love, and he will fall in love with you, and at the right time, right place, and in the right situation, for the right reason, with the right person, you’ll finally find your prayers answered.

Boys will be boys – For fun or for keeps?

Before anything else, I would like to apologize to all the guys that would be reading this, as this is bound to be a very biased article written by a young woman about a particular type of guys. I don’t intend to generalize, but I do hope you know and understand that these guys are not uncommon.

At a party I went to a few days ago, I met this gorgeous young doctor (GYD). I was just dragged into the party by a close friend, and did not know anyone else in the group. So it was a welcome event that this GYD, who just like me was just a friend of someone in the group, started to chat with me. Being the single-and-ready-to-mingle girl that I was, I checked out his hand for any rings. It’s something that a former colleague have trained me to do. GYD had no rings on. Guiltless flirting time.

And yes, he did flirt a lot with me, I did not need to push him to. We had a great time together at the party. Unfortunately, he had to do a Cinderella and left the party early, because he was on duty at the hospital that night and got an emergency call. Bye bye GYD. I didn’t even get to know his full name, only his first name.

I had so much fun with him that night, I had to find out more about him. Two days went by without anything. Fortunately on the third day, I was able to chat with the close friend who brought me to the party, and I was able to get some clues. Being the online sleuth that I am, and thanks to my dear friends Google, Facebook, and Friendster, I was able to find him. The catch: He is married, with two young kids.

Why am I not surprised? This seems like a very familiar scenario. I remember another time from last year when I met a guy while I was on a trip abroad, and he was flirting with me big time. Again thanks to Google and Facebook, I found out he was married right before he changed the setting on his Facebook to hide his status. I never told him what I knew, and he continued flirting. Of course, I did not take him seriously.

Lesson #1: Rings or the absence of them are not a good indication of the availability of a guy.

Friendly flirting from some of my married guy friends are not unwelcome though. But of course, I have to emphasize on the friendly part of it. It’s just usually a playful banter, without intentions. And I do know they are married, they do not hide that fact from me, and they know I would never consider them beyond friendship.

Action plan from GYD : move on.

Then there is another behavior of guys I’ve encountered so many times before, perfectly described in one phrase – “Attention without intention”. Yes, I’ve encountered a lot of them from back in college way up to now. Some of them would ask me out. Some would flirt a lot. And yet there was one thing common with all of them – they were not in it for a relationship but only for the excitement. I used to fall for these types before, but then I learned by experience how they are, and how they need to be dealt with.

Lesson #2: Sometimes boys just wanna have fun

So, if they want to have fun, why not just have fun alongside? No emotions, no commitments, that is probably the best setup with them. Just make sure no one is around to slap you mad because of the attention you give or get from the guys. Remember that even the married guys from Lesson #1 also wanna have fun sometimes, and it may be best to keep away from trouble.

Lesson #3: Just go with the flow

The dating scene is a very tough one, and I haven’t been so lucky with it these past few years. Ergo, I have resolved to just enjoy what I have right now, be entertained with the guys I come across with. I’m taking it one day at a time. I just hope against all odds that I’ll eventually find a SINGLE (UNATTACHED) MAN who just wants to be with me, fun or not, for better or for worse.