Between home and home

A very strange feeling this is. I’ve been away from home for more than three weeks, and I mean from my current residence in Sydney. I’m coming home soon, but I’m also leaving home in the process, and I mean our family home in Manila where I grew up in and lived until less than two years ago. I am excited to get back to my place and start the rest of the year, but at the same time feel that little bit of sadness as I again leave my original home and not know when I’m coming back next.

This trip has been a great opportunity to reconnect with people who have played significant roles in my life, both in the past and at present. I also rekindled my entrepreneurial passion and will be revealing my new business venture soon. I truly savored being able to celebrate Christmas and New Year back home like years past. Met up with my truest friends (who were in town) over coffee, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, or anything in between and shared so many stories that we have missed from each other. Spent time bonding with my sister and my cousins.

I somehow feel part of this world once again. But in reality, I am not. My current life now revolves in Sydney, and this is really just a break, a holiday from it all. Back to real life for me soonest. I’m not complaining though, cos my real life is also amazing. It’s just hard to reconcile that one cannot live two different realities at the same time.

See you next time Manila. ♥

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Christmas came early this year

There are just so many things that should excite me in the coming days. There’s the Coldplay concert next week, the family trip pre-Christmas, and most of all, spending Christmas and New Year back home. There are even more exciting things coming early next year – Adele, travels, and so much more. But somehow I feel like I’m not as excited as I should be for all those other things.

Perhaps it’s because of the health-scare I’ve had in the second half of this year. It’s quite unsettling to be face-to-face with that big word – cancer. I had a solitary thyroid nodule which was suspicious on tests. They couldn’t determine from initial tests if it was benign or malignant, and a lot of parameters were pointing to a risk for malignancy. The only way they could find out is to take out the entire lobe and do a biopsy of the entire mass.

Hence, I headed for surgery mid-November. I’m super thankful to my mom who came over to help me out pre- and post-operation. And my brother who has always been great support. I was lucky that I got myself a good private health insurance earlier this year. I am also very happy that I have good doctors and an amazing surgeon.

Christmas came early for me this year, as two weeks after my surgery, my surgeon gives me the great news that my nodule was benign! It’s the best news for me all year. Thank God.

Let me savor this moment to realise how truly blessed I am.

 

Post script:
Being the inquisitive geek that I am, I have been reading and I continue to read about my entire thyroid nodule saga. So beyond what my doctors were telling me up front, I was also researching and reading relevant references in my own time, because I wanted to know what it was all about. My surgeon just confirmed with me the findings of the biopsy, and I am also reading more about it. I might do another post later on with the more medical side-story.

Sickie

One of the things I dislike most about being an adult is getting sick. Let me count the ways…

(1) I don’t like when I’m sick enough that I need to miss work, because this means I have to use up leaves (if I do have any) or go without pay for the days I miss work when I’m not entitled to paid leaves. It also means I need to catch up with work when I get back after a sickie.

(2) As an adult, I am expected to take care of myself when I am sick. That means taking care of all my basic needs even if I am not feeling well. This includes preparing food for myself, keeping the place clean and organised, and even laundry still need to happen. It’s challenging to manage one’s energy to be able to do all necessary domestic things when you’re not feeling well.

(3) Going to the doctor or the hospital is now typically a solo activity. No one is expected to take you to the hospital. You’re lucky if you have a good friend or a family member who is available and willing to go with you. Otherwise, you drag yourself out of your house, drive yourself (if you have a car) or take the public transport to the medical centre or hospital, and do the same going back.

(4) In addition, going alone to the doctor or the hospital means that you don’t have any emotional or moral support for anything that you may find out about your health. Maybe the closest alternative is having your family or close friends reachable by message or call on your mobile, but of course it isn’t the same.

(5) Missing activities and events when you’re sick is not fun. Sometimes even if you’re able to go, you can’t enjoy it as much and you usually have to leave early because you are not feeling well. Total buzz killer.

(6) Medicine and other related stuff are expensive! Even with health insurance, some consults and treatments also cost a lot. And as a responsible adult, you are now in charge of paying for all my own expenses. Goodbye shopping money.

(7) It’s always hard to decide if I’m too sick to go to work or to go somewhere or if I am well enough to do so. But I don’t have another adult to decide that for me, I am my own adult and I have to wrestle with myself to figure it out.

But most of all, getting sick never really feels good. No matter what illness – whether the usual colds or flu, body pains, injuries, short illnesses or persistent ones, minor conditions or acute or serious conditions – it’s always bound to make you feel bad.

And if you were wondering why I write about this, I am sick right now. Nothing serious but a whole lot annoying, and I’ve been semi-stuck at home for the past week. I’m doing my very best to be well enough to get to work tomorrow. I must.

2015 – The Year That Was

With just a day left for the year 2015, I could truly say that this year has been one of the most memorable year of my life, and no year as significant since 2007. Here are five highlights of my life in 2015:

1. It has been such a blessed year, and far too blessed because I was able to see the Pope with my own two eyes not just once or twice, but (more than) three times! During his visit in Manila this January, I was fortunate to be residing pretty near where he stayed, and most of his routes were a short walk from where I lived. Of course I seized every opportunity to catch a glimpse of him. I believe that the graces overflowed and I received it somehow. It was a great start to the year.

2. The start of the year also led to one of the biggest blessings of my life so far. It was on the last few days of January that I received a “reminder” on email, and I completed and lodged my Expression of Interest (EOI) to be a Skilled Immigrant to Australia. Just less than a week after I lodged the EOI, I got my invitation to apply for a visa. Three months after, in May, I got my visa grant as a Permanent Resident for Australia. In August, I moved here to Sydney and began a new chapter in my life.

3. I am truly happy to have spent more than half of this year working for USAID. It was an amazing opportunity, and I am thankful that I was able to work with them for an entire year (starting mid-2014). It was a great learning experience and have met a lot of interesting people, and hopefully was able to contribute something significant to the team. I would have loved to stay with the team and the organisation, but my new life in Australia was calling.

4. The year also had its challenges and sorrows, especially when my beloved grandmother got very sick and was hospitalized for a few months, and passed away later this year. I miss her terribly, and I still feel bad that I was not able to go to her funeral because she died two weeks after I left the country. But I am still thankful that I was able to spend a lot of time with her while she was still alive, and was able to tell her and show her that I loved her very much. I know that she knows that I will always be Lola’s girl, and she will always be one of my biggest inspiration. I continually seek comfort in the thought that she is now with Jesus Christ resurrected, the one thing that we’ve always believed in.

5. I have found a beautiful new chapter of my life here in Australia. I have been granted small and big blessings: I arrived with a vacant bed waiting for me; I’ve met new friends (mostly through my brother) and rediscovered old friends; I’ve been very warmly welcomed by (extended) family; I found a job 1.5 months after I arrived, and it was somehow related to the type of job I was aiming for; and I’ve had tons of opportunities to explore many different things and adventures that this new land has in store. After just five months, I am happy to be almost completely settled in. My family (mom, dad, and sister) all came over to spend Christmas and New Year.

With so much blessings in 2015, how can I ask for more?

And as always, no New Year’s resolution for me this time. Long ago, my New Year’s resolution was to never make any New Year’s resolution in the future, and that is probably the only one I was able to keep.

The year 2015 is already written and today concludes this year, but tomorrow begins a new 2016. And in 2016, I continue to pray, to hope, to dream, and to wish. Isa na lang ang kulang. Ikaw na lang ang kulang.

One Quarter

It has been three whole months since I arrived in Sydney to start a new life. Those three months seemed both so long and so short, an oxymoronic sort. How have I spent that quarter so far?

New friends, new job, new life. I’m also proud to say that I’ve lost weight since I’ve arrived. I’ve signed up for gym. I cook yummy food. I have setup my little room and made it my little home. I’ve bought flat-pack shelves and assembled them myself, and they now serve as my wardrobe drawers. I’ve picked out beddings to my liking. I bought a guitar and have learned a number of new songs. I’m rewatching my favorite series on Netflix during freetime. I’ve gone to national parks and beaches. I’ve had brunches, barbys, dinners, and drinks with friends both old and new. I enjoy good coffee every single day. 

Would you believe, I haven’t eaten fastfood since I arrived? Never gone for McDonalds, Hungry Jacks, Oporto, etc. etc. There’s a lot of other choices for food, and I could also prepare my own. Also, never had Starbucks coffee, cos coffee everywhere else is great.

I work in the city during the weekdays and take the train everyday. I’ve also taken the train to some suburbs to visit some friends. I walk to church on Sundays. I take the bus to get around our area. I’ve also started driving. 

And if you were wondering, I don’t really feel homesick. Perhaps it helps that I have my brother around. I also get to videocall with the family back home. I am updated with what they do. Also, perhaps I’ve gotten used to being by myself since I’ve spent weekdays in the condo away from home and just went home on weekends for a year before I left the country. My good friends are reachable online if I need them. And I feel generally emotionally independent, I’m ok just being by myself. 

What else? Perhaps, there are a number of things that I’m still working on, and other things I continue praying for. But I feel that everything will turn out well. 

Maybe I’ll give another update at six months. 🙂

Hey Senti

There’s the senti version of myself that I have been trying to avoid throughout this process of tying loose ends, packing up, and getting ready to go. I am really not good at goodbyes whether its with people, places, or special little somethings.

I can still even remember my 10 year old self saying goodbye to the house (apartment) that I have lived in my entire life (at 10). It was one big cry-fest saying goodbye to my best friends, and even to the littlest nooks and crannies of that humble apartment. I’ve been living for the last 20 years of my life in the “new” house, a bigger and better one in a better neighborhood… But my mind will always remember how each furniture lined up around the rooms of my childhood home.

I also am so sentimental about my grandmother’s house in the province, the one I went to almost every summer vacation until my mid-teens. I remember its smell, and the details that almost never changed for the longest time. The house has already been sold a number of years ago, and it’s somehow better that we now have our grandmother much closer to watch over. But her house will forever be etched in my mind the way it was.

Shit. It’s not easy not to cry now. Imagine how many years ago those memories were? They seem like they were just yesterday.

In a few days more, I’ll be leaving the condo I stayed in for the last year. Then I’ll be leaving home and bound for a country I’ll be calling home for the next years. Of course, my parents house will still be there, still the same – but I will no longer be there, and I will forever be changed.

I should be looking forward, being oh so excited about what the future holds. I am, but I can’t deny that there is an extremely senti part of me that can appear out of nowhere at any point. I need to keep myself busy, to keep looking forward. I don’t want to be hindered by my sentimental self from being all-in on this grandest transition of my life.

Things fall into place

Sometimes, grand things happen like some unseen cosmic hand putting all the pieces into place for big transitions of my life, like winds blowing me a certain direction to where I am meant be. I would not refer to it as fate because I know I still have the power to decide. But sometimes chances and opportunities make the things you desire most be just within your reach with ease.

Last year, I had the great opportunity to be considered and accepted to work for USAID. Transportation and accessibility is one of the important considerations I always take when making transitions, but the universe just conspired to give me what I needed at the right place and time. My cousin was about to start in medical school almost the same time as I was to start, and the 2nd room in the flat where she was to stay became my home during the weekdays. The same place allows a 15 minute walk to and from work every day, instead of the 1.5 to 2 hours drive or difficult commute from our family house. If I started earlier with USAID, the flat would probably have been still occupied by previous tenants. If I started later, my cousin may have already found a different flatmate. It made a big difference, and I get my first chance to live on my own. Everything was just at the right time.

Perhaps its also like that this time around. I am about to move to Sydney, Australia soon. Earlier this year, I was able to get an invitation to apply for a visa just a few days after lodging my EOI, and then get my visa grant within three months after lodging my application. The timing of the visa grant allows me time to stay just to finish my initial one year contract with USAID. I am leaving within a few weeks of my current bosses’ transition to their new postings in other countries, just about the time that our team is transitioning to the new bosses arriving. I’m leaving just before my cousin starts the new school year in med school, and a classmate of hers will move in to my room almost immediately after I leave (and she does not have to transfer mid-school year). One of my kuya’s flatmate in Sydney is leaving just before I arrive there, and the vacated space/bed will be available for my use for my first few weeks (I would not need to sleep on the floor!). I also had just enough time to save some funds to use as I start a new life in Sydney.

There is no reason for me not to believe that things fall into place somehow, when it’s meant to be. Things will not be complicated, sometimes you find it served to you on a silver platter. All you have to do is not hesitate, get moving, and grab that opportunity. I was not meant to move to Singapore. I was not meant to take up my masters degree in Europe. Just when the time was right, I find myself drawn by the waves of this life to Australia.

I can’t help think that when I finally find the love of my life, things will just fall in to place, just like these other beautiful changes that came into my life.