I was pining for a boy for the past few months…
I was pining. Longing, waiting, hoping that this certain someone will cast upon me his attention.
It was a boy. I no longer dare call him a man, since most recent realisations revealed that he is nothing but a boy.
It went on for a few long months. Call it madness. But mostly a waste of time.
But most of all, this statement is now in the past tense. The madness has ended. I have been set free. Good riddance.
Perhaps it’s a certain weakness of mine. Sometimes I waste my precious time not seeing the futility of certain things. I have awaken from this stupidity by some profound revelation – a truth that I spite from the deepest of my soul.
I know what I want. At the same time, I know what I don’t want – my non-negotiables. I have decided to tolerate most things that I can for the sake of someone I desire or love, unless non-negotiables present.
If there is something that makes your gut twist with disgust, something that makes you fear for your safety or for your life, or something that you know will bring out the worst in you, then you know those things are non-negotiable. No amount of love or care or desire can compensate for any of that.
Aside from the fact that I now know that he does not like me in a way that I wish he did, I have realised how immature he views love and relationships. Though not really a non-negotiable, that in itself ended it. Add to that a non-negotiable that goes against my sense of morality.
The best thing about all of this is I have been set free, and my attention shall no longer be captivated by an undeserving boy. I have regained my entire energy to spend on someone who so deserves it.