There’s the senti version of myself that I have been trying to avoid throughout this process of tying loose ends, packing up, and getting ready to go. I am really not good at goodbyes whether its with people, places, or special little somethings.
I can still even remember my 10 year old self saying goodbye to the house (apartment) that I have lived in my entire life (at 10). It was one big cry-fest saying goodbye to my best friends, and even to the littlest nooks and crannies of that humble apartment. I’ve been living for the last 20 years of my life in the “new” house, a bigger and better one in a better neighborhood… But my mind will always remember how each furniture lined up around the rooms of my childhood home.
I also am so sentimental about my grandmother’s house in the province, the one I went to almost every summer vacation until my mid-teens. I remember its smell, and the details that almost never changed for the longest time. The house has already been sold a number of years ago, and it’s somehow better that we now have our grandmother much closer to watch over. But her house will forever be etched in my mind the way it was.
Shit. It’s not easy not to cry now. Imagine how many years ago those memories were? They seem like they were just yesterday.
In a few days more, I’ll be leaving the condo I stayed in for the last year. Then I’ll be leaving home and bound for a country I’ll be calling home for the next years. Of course, my parents house will still be there, still the same – but I will no longer be there, and I will forever be changed.
I should be looking forward, being oh so excited about what the future holds. I am, but I can’t deny that there is an extremely senti part of me that can appear out of nowhere at any point. I need to keep myself busy, to keep looking forward. I don’t want to be hindered by my sentimental self from being all-in on this grandest transition of my life.