Break me (one last time)

I’m trying to finish quite an interesting personal task/goal. More than a year ago, I started writing in a beatiful notebook my “love history”. The task was to be able to write down all the stories, as I remember them, of the past loves, relationships, almost-relationships, and heartbreaks. The intention is to be able to rediscover my romantic history and uncover any repressed emotions, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and heartaches, with the hopes of finally being able to release them into the universe and be ready with restored faith in love.

I wrote the stories one by one, person by person, those who I have encountered and have changed my views about love and relationships… A lot of almosts, stories of my exes, my first love, etc., but I did exclude non-important ones. There were ten names in my list (mostly just “almosts”) I started off with the shortest stories, the ones I could cover with one to three pages. To be honest, I’ve finished writing the short stories more than a year ago. Somehow, I got stuck writing the last three stories, the more significant ones.

There is a “tiny” fear of what can be uncovered as I write the last three stories. I just finished one tonight, so there’s two more to go, and they’re the ones I dread the most. But I have to keep going and finish everything, face my fear and complete my “love history”. I want to get rid of the hidden/latent/unconscious baggage. I should let it break me just one last time and finally let it go (let it go…).

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5 thoughts on “Break me (one last time)

    1. Thanks, but sorry I won’t be posting the stories in the blog though! I’ll be writing them for personal consumption only, at the moment. Contemplating to publish the entire collection as a book though, but I wonder if there’s anyone willing to read my crazy lovestory :p

    1. I’m learning the little things that make me anxious about love and relationships because of the many things that have happened in the past. Somehow they add up and have become a sort of hindrance. You know how they say, the first step to changing for the better is to realize and acknowledge what’s wrong… I’m realizing and acknowledging what’s wrong now. Just a little bit until I finish writing everything. 😀

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